Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence (IPV), takes a tremendous toll on many people other than the person who is being abused. A self-aware abuser, especially one who doesn't have a history of either violence or emotional abuse, experiences myriad difficult emotions—shame, guilt, fear, remorse, hopelessness, and self-directed anger.

Victims of IPV typically receive a great deal of emotional support and practical assistance, from the judicial system all the way down to their family and friends. But what about the abuser's family and friends? Let's look at how this often-forgotten demographic copes when someone close to them has been accused of DV crimes.

Avoid Shaming and Blaming

To truly support a loved one who is struggling to deal with an accusation of any crime, you must cultivate empathy and understanding. Some folks adopt a “tough love” approach that uses shame and blame to goad the accused into better behavior, but that's not generally the best path. Rather than inspiring any self-reflection or motivation to change, angry finger-pointing often serves to make the person defensive and withdrawn.

Don't underestimate how valuable it is to offer safe, non-judgmental support.

Cultivate Empathy and Explore the Root Causes

Do your best to cultivate a sense of empathy. After all, everyone makes poor decisions once in a while. It can be helpful to explore why the person made this particularly bad decision—not to excuse the behavior, but to pinpoint any unresolved trauma, mental health concerns, or situational causes that have led to or influenced their bad behavior.

Ideally, this type of compassionate exploration will lead the person to seek counseling or other avenues to overcome their underlying trauma and heal from the inside out. It may not be easy, especially if the abuser is so entrenched in their own personal patterns of behavior that they're in denial, but perseverance will pay off in time.

If you are hopeful and optimistic about their ability to change, it's much more likely that they will come to feel that way as well.

Set Appropriate Boundaries

Remember that supporting a relative or friend who has been accused of domestic violence or other abuse does not mean you are condoning the crime. It's about helping everyone involved to heal and move forward. Being part of a person's support network is not the same as being 100% on their side.

To preserve your own emotional equilibrium, it's OK to set boundaries. Your friend or loved one may ask you to believe in their innocence or fight for them to avoid punishment. Naturally, your support might very well depend on your presumption of their innocence. But remember that sometimes support looks like helping a person while they go through a difficult experience, not aiding them to evade it.

When It Comes to Legal Help

A strong legal defense can help both the unfairly accused and those who have taken a wrong turn but are willing and capable of turning over the proverbial new leaf. No matter what the specific circumstances that you and your loved one are grappling with, you can turn to the LLF Law Firm. Helmed by experienced, compassionate Criminal Defense Team at the LLF Law Firm has what it takes to counsel the accused, construct a custom approach, and achieve the best possible outcome for everyone involved.

Call today at 888-535-3686 or click here to learn more.